Suffering Through
MAGGIE BURKE
Sundays the priest stood with authority in front
of the congregation, sermonizing week after week
on the one thing he ingrained within me: suffering
will only make you stronger. From then on, often I
would see these words glowing like a neon sign
burning behind my eyes in all my times of need
like when I keep the window open every night. No need
for blankets to shield shivers from the cold front
rolling in. Growing numb, I wait for the sun’s sign
the weatherman warns we will not see all week.
My nails turn blue believing warmth’ll come, soon I
will grow strong, treating my training as an offering—
that’s how it works, right? Deciding that suffering
is staying behind the car going 15 under because I need
to practice patience. Through gritted teeth, “Virtuous me!” I
resist the urge to cross the double yellow to get to the front
of the line. Perhaps I’ll keep this up until the week
ends, giving restraint a rest on the days God assigned,
though, sometimes, I wonder if I’m indulgent by design.
Then I won’t eat for 3 days (that’s the right kind of suffering)
and every time hunger pangs, I smile, knowing I’m not weak.
Suck in my stomach in the 10-item line because I need
the cashier to ache with desire as soon as I’m in front
of them. I’ll go home to consume numbers with my eyes
until they are dry, clenching for tears to arrive. I
find myself crying a lot these days, wanting to resign
from all the positions I hold. Keeping up this front
as the mothering girlfriend, I suffer for the ring
I’m no longer sure I want. Boyfriend says he needs
me and I fear how true it is. My caretaking weakens
his independence while homemaking devours my week.
Perhaps I’ve reached the precipice of my prime, eye–
balling the distance down. Unsure if a leap is what I need
or to lie gently on the ground. Praying the weight be consigned
to someone who carries those words better than I: suffering
makes you strong, but it can also make you confront
this week’s teachings with suspicion. Waiting for a sign
is a heavenly way to die, I once believed. But suffering—
and I’ll tell God this upfront—is the last thing I need.
MAGGIE BURKE is a poet living in Boston, MA. She received her MFA from Emerson College in 2024, where she currently teaches first-year writing. While earning her BA in Creative Writing and Sociology from Providence College in 2019, her work appeared in The Alembic and PVD Fest’s “Once Upon a Sign” installation.
