Crying About Old Women at the Macy’s Jewelry Counter (Again)
EM JUDKINS
after Kristi Estefania Stout Larios
But in her day it was Filene’s. Today, she’ll pantomime affection in her
monochrome sweatsuit. She twists rings on, off, arthritic—bashful
reflex. Dentured but dolly, she untucks her bottle blonde locks, hearing
aids hidden. Fourteen karat cataracts glint off diamonds, but the clerk
handsomes her evening. And she wants him, hard against the counter, holding
her like honeymoon china: priceless, prized. This is how all the young girls
feel, skin plump and lips plush. She flushes in the lush of pearl mock marble
mall tile. Her drab daughter drags her back, nags about credit damage,
holding her mother’s shame in five two-packs of Spanx. Again, devoid of
body, glamoured fantasies blemish back to storage. Lips sucked against
gums, she tears away without fuss, demure in her indulgence, guilty
baring her soul to the caged jewelry case. How dare she crave opulence.
Wet with hunger, she hoards humbleness. She cradles emptiness, armfuls
of clearance. Will this too be willed, wilting in bed? No magic so cruel.
EM JUDKINS (they/them) is an over-caffeinated queer poet and filmmaker based in Massachusetts. They have received the Ruth Forbes Eliot Prize, the Ethel Olin Corbin Prize, the Elizabeth Drew Essay Prize, and runner-up for the Rosemary Thomas Poetry Prize. They graduated from Smith College with a BA in English and film and media studies, and their work has appeared in Emulate, Voices & Visions, and at the Worcester Art Museum. They are at work on their first chapbook, and you can find them @ee.jay_ on Instagram.
